Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
