there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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