I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Randomize
