We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
