I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
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