too bad you live with your parents still
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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