he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
