this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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