I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
