Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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