it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
you had me at cake vodka
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
The ass gains better be worth it
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