3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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