marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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