So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
