Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize