Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
