I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
