I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
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I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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