I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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