I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
