Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
