I can't watch pbs sober anymore
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
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No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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