I'm sorry my penis didn't work
you guys were way drunker than both of me
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
