my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
