5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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