good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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