I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
