The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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