i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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