if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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