I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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