Well douche your snatch and let's go!
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
