Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
