So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
