the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
