just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Randomize
