look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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