Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
He had one of those small greek statue penises
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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