I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
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Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
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Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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