I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
