I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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