hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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