I cockslap morals
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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