So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
