My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
