well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
