I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
