The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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