I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
