you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
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