Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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