So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
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She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
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Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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