$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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