Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
