When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
