remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
