I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
