im having a threesome with these popsicles
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
i will never coherently bang her
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
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