Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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