Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize