So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
