last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
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Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
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We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
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