she woke up with a sticky ear
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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