I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Randomize
