He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
