Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
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