Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
