how hairy? two words: wookie tits
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
