then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
