I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
