2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I love you.
Bad choice
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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