Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
